Do you know how its hurt to be like this? Why? I just can't stop myself from thinking of it. Why me of all people? Why me? I trust you. I believe you. Yet this is what i get from you. Its hurt alots.
I use to hide myself if I want to cry but hye because of you I'm crying infront of my friends. Because of you. I can't move on. I really need an answer from you. Please don't stay silent. I just need one answer from you and that its. I won't be like this anymore.
I fake my smile. I try to smile with every kind of jokes that my friends/family made. Yes, i do laugh but in few minutes time, my mind is back on you.
I throw tantrums to my friends. do you know how hurt is it? Why did i do to deserve this from you? I seriously don't understand. Y baby? y me?
The necklace? I seriously don't know what to do with it.
I'm sick of crying. Really am i. Everything i do remind me of you. Everything I see remind me of you. Why me of all people? Why now you're silent? Why? I love you with my whole heart. Even though I'm angry with you but deep down, its you that i always need. Its you. I try to find way for my parents to accept you. Have you ever think of it?I try many methods to make my siblings change their mind about you. Have you ever think how hard it is?
I don't mind you having tatto0 cause i know you can change.
I don't mind you pierce everywhere cause i know you can change.
I don't mind you with your bad behaviour cause i know you can change.
i don't mind if you are having financial problems.
I don't mind if you cant buy me this or that.
I don't mind you shave your hair botak.
i DON'T MIND EVERYTHING JUST TO BE WITH YOU.
But never did i expect you fake this. You keep telling me to stay truthful, faithful to you. Yes. i did. really i did. But this is what i received from you. This kind of gift. Why must you fake it.
Every memories with you keep flowing in my mind. Your smile, Your smell, Your laugh, Your kiss, Your hug, everything!
i miss you real bad. IN THE FIRST PLACE, WHAT DID I DO TO RECEIVED THIS FROM YOU!
Its difficult. Its not like I want it to be this way. It really isn't what I needed. Give me strength to move on. I don't know why Iam saying this.I am not going to say I didn't miss you, though thats what I've been telling myself recently. You are the reason I still cry in my sleep.
Then I thought again,the only one who could stop me from crying is the one who started it.
I tired of crying. I tired of being so dead.
I don't wish for your return. I just need you to answer that question of mine. Thats all.
120409-180709. thanks for everything.
XoXo from princess
@ 7:02 PM
