Letters To You

"I rindu dier."
"Biler I ngan you, I selalu ingatkan dier."
"Aper bende yang I buat ngan you mesti, i teringatkan dier."
"I masih tunggu dier."
"I masih sayangkan dier"
"I nak dier balik"

Do you know how much you hurt me when I heard all these that came out from your mouth? Do you know how many tears I've cried for you? Why you bother give me hopes? And yet, now you still can ask me what hopes did you gave me?

Muhammad Qayyum, The way you talked to me just now, you pretend that nothing has happened. The way you talked make me feel that I am nobody to you. Your reaction just now shows everything. Why do all this happened? What do things went wrong till I deserved all this from you? I never asked for anything. I just feel so hurt the way you talked to me just now. You act like nothing has happened. I shall said you're a good actor, Muhammad Qayyum.

I know I was being rude to just walk away when you are trying to talk to me. My heart bleed so badly when you grab my hands. But I don't have the courage to cry infront of you. I don't want you to feel bad. I don't want you to see my weakness.

I know there's time my attitude sucks. I thought we will endure all this together. I learn to trust you. I gave my whole heart in loving you.

When I think back, I am so foolish to let myself down because of this. I shall have followed what Ibu and abang told me. I shall have not put too much hopes. I am so foolish to find you. To beg you. But do you know why I am reacting like this? As I love you too much. But yet, you can't feel it.

I always told myself, I gave you time to forget her. You know, each time when you told me about her, you share your stories about her, I am always full with jealousy. But yet, I told myself, I will give you time. It hurt me even more when you say that I and her look alike. I was angry. But have you ever see me mad at you for a long time? I can't bear to be mad at you as I really love you.

You know what Muhammad Qayyum, all this while you are scared for nothing. You are being pathetic by saying all that. Saying that I will leave you. Saying that you are scared that I will changed. Who are the one who shall be scared? I trusted you so much that I have no fear that all this will happened. But yet, I was wrong. I was truly wrong. I shall have prepared for this. For the worse.

However, I can feel that you feel bad for doing this to me. I always thought you won't let me cry. I always thought You will always be there for me. To protect me. To love me. But yet, I was wrong. I put too much hopes. I trusted you so much. But hye! Just throw all the feeling. I don't need your sympathy. I don't want it too! I don't want to cry anymore! I am too tired!

Look here, I wasn't asking for your sympathy nor your comfort. I am just letting my feelings out.
I will move on. You don't have to worry about me. I will be gone for good. Take good care of yourself. Be a good man. May you get what you want dear. Take care! (:

Thanks for everything Muhammad Qayyum Bin Abdullah Jumali.

XoXo from princess
@ 8:55 PM