I'll be going for Star course with winniee next tuesday, wednesday and thursday if Im not wrong. 3 days. Gosshhh. 7pm to 11pm. Mattiiiii oiiii. :( But nevermind. Gaji jalan. I like! Luckily Im not aloneee.

You seeeeeeeeeeee,

I envy seeing other ladies who are able to forgive their man despite over and over mistakes that their man does. And worse, the mistakes envolving third parties. Even how big their mistakes towards their ladies, their ladies can simply forgiving them by saying the words 'SORRY'. How I wish I can be like those ladies again.

As for me, I can't. Third parties is what I hated the most in my relatioship. Maybe because I uphold the belief on what mine is mine. I don't like sharing in certain things/stuff. Especially when it come to my man. Call me selfish, loser, nonsence but thats me.

But I don't go on accusing anyhow like some do. I won't get jealous if my friends were to talk/laugh with my man. Hahaha. I'm reasonable too okay.

You seeeeee,

I miss my previous man so much. Despite what he done to me, despite knowing the truth, despite finding out on how he lied to me, I still do miss him. When I see how other ladies managed to forgive their man on the mistakes that their man does, eventhough it involving third parties, I miss forgiving my previous man. Why do I utter the word 'go away', 'just fuck off' to him?

You seeeee,

I did forgive him for all the past mistake he done to me previously when we are together.

I did forgive him when I saw his photo with many other girls behaving so intimately in his phone.

I forgive him when I caught him having a relationship with this lady for 8 months while I am with him for 3 months. I even when to the extend to fight with that lady and say what mine is mine when I know the lady deserve him better than me.

I did forgive him when I caught him signing in to his msn and chat with others ladies without me knowing.

I did forgive him when I caught him bringing other girls out when I'm with him.

I did forgive him when I caught his friends accidently spilt out that he bring other girls out.

I did forgive him when he cry to me saying he only need me and no others when all this problems came.

You seeeee,

I gave him chances after chance to change. I gave him time after time to change. I even went to the extend to be rude to everyone, including my parents when they found out what type of man, my previous man is. I sacrifice alot for my previous man. I gave in alot for my previous man.

You see,

although all those mistake he done, he did have his good point.

He make me feel comfortable whenever Im with him.

He make me smile everytime eventhough he's the one who make me cry everytime.

When we goes out, he will go the extend to send me home. Eventhough its late at night.

He will came down my place each time I say I miss him.

He bring me food when I'm hungry.

His laptop, his room, his mp4 are both of our pictures.

He will make sure that his cat will not come near me each time I'm at his crib as he know I'm afraid of cat.

He will make sure I'm asleep first before putting down the phone.

He always insist on letting me wore his jacket when he's sending me home by his bike eventhough he's wearing singlet as He's scared I'll get cold.

His parents/siblings treat me like I'm already part of them.

You seeeeee,

I can feel he love me but it just that I can't accept his flirthy/unfaithful attitude. Its hurt. Truly hurt.

You seeeeee,

many memories. How can I move on? It not that i don't try. I let two man into my life after my previous man but still its him that I want, I remember, I need. I try. I try very hard. But things seem doesn't to be on my side. After him, I even when to the extend to know many other man just to forget him. But I simply can't.

If I can only turn time around, I tell you, I won't say 'go' to him. I say to him"Fine. You want to have other girls right? Go ahead. I'll be right here waiting for you."

If only.

I want to be like other ladies who can forgive their man over and over again eventhough its the biggest mistake their man do. If previously I can, Why now I cant? Maybe I'm just tooo tired. Im just tooo upset!

But I still do believe all this happens for a reason. I'm still hoping for the best.

But don't worry! I'm happy still! Come on! I'm only 17th. There's still many and long way for me to go. I've yet to enjoy single life. (: